34. Hate Booze But Want a Buzz? Big Beer (and Big Seltzer, and Big Soda...) Has You Covered

More Big Brands in beer means less recognizable alcohol; new breweries and beer bar locations in NYC; tarot for leaving toxic situations behind.

Booze for People Who Hate the Taste of Booze

Visiting in-laws over the holidays, I experienced, for better or worse, the Strawberry Lemonade Naturdays. Bad beer writer of me, I suppose: I did not know this had been in existence for two years, and certainly not that—as per Michigan Live—this Naturdays was 2019’s “number one beer innovation by volume and sales.” (They credit “a news release” for that vague title.) The Strawberry Lemonade-flavored light lager was on hand because my brother-in-law, for lack of a better and quicker observation, does not seem to actually like beer. (He is great at shopping for it, I feel like I should add—we received a stellar assortment of Tree House beers from him for Christmas.)

I’ve been thinking about folks like him and things like Strawberry Lemonade Naturdays more and more as beer news has become dominated by non-alcohol beverage behemoths buying breweries. What Frankendrinks will they create? I’m willing to bet nothing that tastes all that much like beer. Monster Beverage Corporation’s purchase of CANarchy joins Rockstar Energy’s preparation to enter Hard Seltzer Land in the arena of “Enormous Brands That Market Their Over-the-Top Drinks Like 1990s Toy Commercials, But Make It Boozy.” (And let’s not forget recent news of Coca-Cola and Molson Coors teaming up to produce Simply Spiked Lemonade, a conversation worth circling back to on its own due to its tone-deaf name.)

Hard Baja Blast was the news that broke this camel’s back. The bright blue drink still most commonly linked with late-night Taco Bell trips is the last to join Mountain Dew Original, Black Cherry, and Watermelon in the lineup of hard Mountain Dew PepsiCo linked up with Boston Beer Company to concoct. Who is this for?! I can’t help but wonder. If you hate the taste of alcohol…don’t drink? I know, I know. Truth be told, I do know who these drinks are for, and of course people who hate the taste of booze shouldn’t be deprived the occasional buzz.

Let me be clear that this is not a read, either. I identify as “beer geek,” not “beer snob.” I believe Strawberry Lemonade Naturdays can exist in the same world as Cantillon—I mean, they barely do, but they do share a loose “beer” classification—and not only that, but I think they should. More choices for more people with differing tastes. But it does feel like we’re really going wild this year. Did you know those Naturdays come in ice-pop form? It’s like trying to wrap your dog’s pill in everything from cheese to peanut butter, whatever treat he or she goes gaga for, to cram that medicine down their adorable little throat. It reminds me of another market I’ve been astounded by as of late, which is edible forms of weed. From friends’ texts to podcast episodes, I am blown away by what people have stocked in their cabinets to sneak a little wacky tabacky into their routines. If you have to sprinkle THC everything bagel seasoning onto your cream cheese, what are we doing here?

Sure, for some people, it’s not about the journey—or the ritual—it’s about the destination—or the buzz. And there’s also interest in novelty. Heck, THC everything bagel seasoning is kind of just a funny thing to have (and a way to really live on the edge next time you have your in-laws over for brunch), and I am probably going to try Hard MTN Dew Baja Blast out of curiosity. So maybe it’s cynical, but I can’t help but keep an eye out for the Hard Capri Sun or whatever that signals we’ve really jumped the shark here.

I’ll Take My Beer Deep Fried, Thanks

If you’re in NYC, Deep Fried Beers is probably already on your radar, but in case you’re not, and/or they’re not, let’s talk about them, shall we?

I first became aware of brewer Johnny Osborne through his work with TALEA—in an interview with TALEA founders LeAnn Darland and Tara Hankinson, I learned Johnny had worked at Sixpoint and LIC Beer Project, too. So, obviously, I was excited when his new project, Deep Fried Beers snuck onto Beer Instagram. I spotted the Prodigal Sun TIPA at BierWax in October and it stuck with me. I’d already been rolling into a period of IPA burnout. After months—years, really—of resisting the not uncommon opinion that IPAs are becoming super homogenous, the realization had finally washed over me. It had been a long time since I had tried a really exciting, big, hazy IPA, and then I found Prodigal Sun.

Deep Fried Beers’ latest is Bing Bong DIPA. Johnny’s done it again. Wheat and oats give this one a really nice, full body and lush mouthfeel, and the hop character is out of this world without a hint of burn—it’s like feasting on a decadent spread of tropical fruit and before the luxurious sweetness can turn on you, a respectable and steady undercurrent of bitterness keeps you even-keeled. Deep Fried Beers is brewing, selling, and delivering out of Alewife Brewing in Queens.

BierWax Queens

Speaking of BierWax and speaking of Queens! I realize I’m making this a very NYC-based issue, but there are some things you just can’t resist shouting from the rooftops. And I do believe BierWax is enough of a Destination that if you come to New York, you’re making sure you get there—maybe you’re even coming to the city with the sole purpose of visiting, idk!

You know this if you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while and/or follow me on Instagram, but BierWax isn’t just one of my favorite beer bars; it’s one of my favorite places. Yes, it’s the killer beer list that manages to stand out even in an age where your corner bar has a great list. Yes, it’s the music. Yes, it’s the staff. But honestly, it’s also got that sort of undefinable good vibe that forces me to unironically use the phrase, “je ne sais quoi.” And now, there’s a second location of BierWax in Queens. That means way more people will get to experience BierWax and make it their local. The spot, at 16-80 Madison Street in Ridgewood, is a 10-minute walk from Evil Twin’s taproom, and also only a six-minute stroll from Bridge & Tunnel Brewery, so you’ve got yourself a whole beer day now in that neighborhood.

BierWax Queens had a soft opening (or dry opening—it’s NA beer and mocktails for now) yesterday and I haven’t gotten there yet, but I’m looking forward to it. I mean, just look at this space.

Beer Tarot!

This week, I pulled the Eight of Cups.

Via Wikipedia

Cups is the sign of love, emotions, and relationships, and the Eight speaks to disappointment, abandonment, and withdrawal. Ooh, fun!

The cups here are arranged to signal that something is missing; our dude is sulking away; even the moon is like, “Yeah, that’s a bummer.”

And that’s just it: something is missing, you’ve realized. It’s become all too clear to you that some situation in your life is falling short. It’s disappointing, even painful. Maybe it’s trivial, like your current conditioner is not cutting it—I hope that’s more the case. But maybe it’s more important, like your job or a relationship.

And okay, you’re still at the hard part, where you’re feeling the sadness and/or anger of this situation, and walking away, into the unknown. But the good news is in fact that this is the hard part, because while there will be challenges, you can go up from here. You had to realize your situation was no good and leave before things can improve. The improving part is something to look forward to. So, give in to the disappointment, knowing you can move on.

This very much makes me think of the Brave Voices Fund, a vital fund that came out of Brave Noise, put together by Ash Eliot and Women of the Bevolution, Brienne Allan, Jen Blair, and Another Round Another Rally. This fund was created to help provide resources to women, femmes, and non-binary individuals in the alcohol industry who are leaving toxic workplaces. Brienne sparked our full, unmitigated awareness of just how many bad workplaces there are in beer last year, and unfortunately, we’re only hearing about more and more, especially now that other countries’ beer industries are experiencing their own reckonings, like most recently, Canada’s. Everyone who is dealing with a toxic workplace deserves the ability to leave it behind, as well as all of our support as their journey takes them ever upward.

This Week’s Boozy Reading Rec

Last week, lots of us in beer were talking about how the main success of the BrewDog doc was that it brought the problematic truth about the mega-brewery to the masses. Beth Demmon’s October 2021 Civil Eats story achieved a similar impact regarding craft beer’s overall reckoning with racism and sexism. So, this week, I’m looking at Dustin Nelson’s “What Does It Mean When a Brewery Unionizes?” for Thrillist. Again, this is one of those topics many of us in beer all too easily forget that not everyone who picks up a craft beer is informed on. This article is one of the smart explainers that could help with that.

Ex-BEER-ience of the Week

This one’s easy: the NYC chapter of Pink Boots Society had its first meeting of 2022 on Monday evening. Zoom gatherings usually suck the life right out of me no matter how necessary I know they are. But this one actually felt energizing. It was such a great event, for two main reasons: 1, Getting pulled out of the Omicron-fueled haze of life and reminded of the brilliant, beautiful craft beer community around you; and 2, a stellar educational presentation on stouts from Maria Shirts. Maria works at Wild East and Other Half; I attended her presentation on Czech-style lagers at the former, and Maria is such a joy to learn from. She is so full of knowledge but there’s never a dull moment and her beer enthusiasm is super contagious. If you’re local, Maria’s next Beer School session at Wild East is this coming Monday, 2/7, and it’s about farmhouse ales—tickets here.

Until next week, please enjoy Darby basking in the sunlight at Fox Farm Brewery back in 2019—I know I am very in need of this warm and sunny mood right now.